Chuky Choo-Lo

Okay. So at one point or another I'm sure you were running late for class. You either had to do a serious Mike Myers powerwalk or a Kersey Joyner sprint. It's five minutes before 1pm and here you are all the way on the opposite end of the campus. The bus is long gone and it seemslike everyone in front of you just got out of class and could care less about whether or not you flunk Modern Ethics.

So...

You're sprinting. You are just on it until you run into the kinds of people I have come to hate. Everything is going good until you somehow end up behind a group of people who not only are taking their s...l...o...w...a...s...s...t...i...m...e... but they all know each other, so they're spread horizontally across the entire walk way. I mean, these people stretch literally from the grass on one side to the curb of the street. It's like an impenetreable force. You go left. You go right. No luck. But, the clock is ticking and if you're late one more time your teacher is going to pull out the paddle of the syllabus and fail your country ass into a new recession.

What do you do?

You...
A - Bust through those motherfuckers and take names later.
B - Walk on the street but run the risk of getting hit by every mad Wisconsin driver because they have some sort of problem with Illinois people (they smell us from a mile away)
C - You politely ask them to move because you are in a hurry
D - You say "Fuck it" and hope FASFA will cover that Ethics course for one more semester

Being a good semaritan, you go for option C. But you fucked up. Oh boy you fucked up.

"Excuse me. Can...excuse me...hello?"

This force can't hear you. Not because it's loud outside, but because they all made a non-verbal decision to ignore you. They're just that fuckin cool that they can use their psychopowers to tune you out. Yeah, I'm sure they learned it from their glorious MU education. However, you have to revert back to your Chi-Town roots and do the only thing you know how.

"Get the fuck out of my way" and you pummel through in a fit of What the fuck's and Excuse you's.

Finally making it to class out of breath and clearly pissed off, you remember...


Class was canceled.

Sweet.

If Milwaukee Had A Baby It'd Look Like Dwayne Wade & Jeffrey Dahmer

Milwaukee: city of Miller beer and mentally unstable crackheads.

Coming here I thought that it would be a dumbed down version of downtown Chicago: fast moving people, big buildings, the smell of a small city with big dreams.

Bullsh*t.

Downtown Milwaukee has 2 big buildings and I'm sure I could walk to the top before the elevator hit the third floor. The only people moving fast are the vast amounts of homeless people looking to hound you for change and transfers. And, that smell you might ask? If it's not the smell of dog biscuits every morning then it's the smell of old, displaced water from Lake Michigan that's deposited in a lil bank not too far from the school. Or, maybe you're referring to that cloud of funk that punches you in the face when you get on the #30, which is the equivalent of a Chicago #3 or #4 (but i'd fuck w/ the CTA ANYDAY! over this).

The best thing to ever happen to this city had to be that 1 - Dwayne Wade went to MU and 2 - Jeffrey Dahmer used to stay like 7 blocks away from my dorm.

It's no surprise nobody ever wants to admit they're from here.

"Hey. You from here?"
"Nah, I'm from Chicago"
"Oh me too! What part?"
"Uh...the good part"
"You live around the corner don't you?"
"Yeah"
"Alright. Let's go get some lunch."

Don't be ashamed that your city blows balls! Embrace this funky smelling ass town! Embrace some of the positive aspects of it! There's a Cousins Sub and Bar Louie everywhere you turn...you've got a Whole Foods and even a piece of Lake Michigan!

But, so does Chicago....

Well, we can't all be happy.

"What Up Lil' Piegon-Toed"

Alright. Can someone tell me what is wrong with this dialogue?

Anonymous Black MU Worker: What chu doin lil' pigeon toed?'
Me: What?
ABMUW: I said, what chu doin lil pigeon toed? You pigeon-toed just like me.
Me: Shut up.

I walk off and get my food and as I am exiting...

ABMUW: Where you from lil' pigeon-toed?
Me: Chicago. You do know I have a name.
ABMUW: Aiight.

And I walk off.

Now, since when did being called out on being pigeon-toed by a complete stranger become a modern day way of flirting? No, I don't get a "hey beautiful" or a simple "hey". I get a "what up lil pigeon-toed". It would have been wrong had I said "What up big ugly". I would have clearly been in the wrong, right?

Word of advice to the brave and outright stupid:

If you don't have anything nice to say, do not sit around wondering why you're 30 and still single.

Say What?

I've been a blogger for quite some time but recently decided to make a new blog and post new stuff. My old blog went from being a blog to a diary and no one wants to hear about how I thought the girl in my com class was excusing herself to go throw up every Wednesday...or maybe you do.

Anywho, I'm TK, a woman with a mission: to someday dominate this place we call "Earth" and have a lil fun along the way. Check in every now and then and maybe you'll learn something.